58 Comments

This was timely for me as my teen daughter, now of “legal” age, embarks on a road to self-denial and bodily harm. I know I must sit back and let her go - I’ve given all the warnings I can, I’ve assured her of my love, there is no more I can do. I thank you for the little reminder that this is life. Letting go of what you cannot change (that serenity prayer really is brilliant) is something we all have to struggle with. I just wish society would wake up to the harm it’s causing by breaking up families (when parents like me don’t celebrate body harm and reality denial), and encouraging teens toward self-harm and perpetual adolescence. Voices like yours will likely lead the way out of this horrific trend.

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I’m glad i read this. Exceptionally well written. Don’t agree with or understand a lot of it. I think one thing id add that might mitigate a lot of the heartbreaking young adult detransitioners guilt (and vitriol from the trans community towards them) would be “adulthood before transition”. Seems like a no brainer to me. The adolescent mind just can’t comprehend the permanence of these drugs and procedures. It’s simply not possible. Anyway, thanks for sharing your story.

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Thank you for this I found it very moving. This is very much the human condition whether one is trans or not. There are many identities that we become attached to that are potentially ephemeral - motherhood, career, youth, beauty. When we strive beyond ourselves we discover our own limits. And eventually wisdom maybe to find self acceptance and self love. Is it possible to grow and to transform without self destruction?

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Motherhood is an interesting one, as a lot of the problems there come from people attaching a permanence to something which, while irrevocable as a status, changes as a role. Your kids grow up and leave, and it's good that they do, but trying to hang onto the role they once paid for you is bad for both you and the kids.

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Powerful.

I’ve wanted to be a woman since at least 1992, but becoming trans was a path that for various reasons I didn’t take, one being that I didn’t think my already depressed and anxious temperament would be able to weather the daily strain of trying to pass.

One could argue that I just didn’t want “it” badly enough, I guess? But I could see the social, financial, and physical cost and at the end it was too high a price to pay for something I wasn’t convinced would resolve my self-hatred and dysphoria.

My heart aches for all those (regardless of ideology) who suffer with this desire to be something they are not. The universe indeed does not care.

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Whenever I read anything you write, I am taken down a new pathway of understanding. This piece, like your others, is intellectually honest and doesn’t run from emotional vulnerability. I think you’re really quite special, Corinna. A beautiful person indeed.

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100%. Profoundly well written. Selflessly honest. Writers like Corinna are few.

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The homophobia that initially drove this speeding train has now swept up young people in every direction. The train is now steered by greed and a desire to destroy families. Cosmetic surgery and hormone injections are not magic spells and as I've watched a concomitant rise in grown women and men go under the knife to try and transition back to the age of 20, especially celebrities, I've realized it's another car on the speeding train. But the young people are the focus and I'm sorry you were caught up at the young age of 19, and I thank you for trying to protect other young people from taking the same ride.

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Reading this helps me understand my son’s denial of his childhood self and estrangement from family the way he must view them. I feel less angry. Thanks.

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Wow, this was written so well.

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You're a very fine writer, and you have a lot of wisdom and experience to share with gay men and women who "missed the memo" and went down the trans path instead, or are hovering on the verge of doing so.

It's bizarre that in this day and age that homophobia still causes young gays and lesbians to take a detour from which they often can't return, simply because they've been brainwashed and don't realize how typical and normal they actually are.

Have you ever thought about writing an autobiography or a memoir? You have all the talent, sensitivity, honesty and self-awareness one would need to make a difference.

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Thank you for your voice, Corinna . Profound, intelligent , honest , powerful. Your voice matters. Continue to share!

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if you are a trans woman there are a few things that you need to understand. First of all is that you are still a man because you can't change your biological sex. It's okay to dress any way you wish and to adopt any superficial, stereotypical attributes of women that you desire. Live your life. No one should care, I certainly don't. However, because women are entitled to be treated fairly and to enjoy privacy from men there are certain things that are prohibited to you and me because we are men. You can't compete against women in most sports because it would be unfair. You can't go into women's private places like restrooms and locker rooms because that would make them feel unsafe. Finally, if you are a criminal you certainly can't be imprisoned with women.

That's it, just like me.

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Problem is in almost every state in the country those things you’re claiming men can’t do they quite literally are.

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russel: I am not “claiming” what they can or can’t do, I am describing a desired state of what they should be able to do. Many states have banned men from competing in women’s sports. Biden’s Education Act Title IX changes will require after August 1 that girls and women shower with boys and men. An abomination.

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Luckily many red state AGs are fighting back and hopefully scouts does the right thing

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I do disagree... male/female are legal designations. All beings are constructed differently from each other on some level, so in the end, the only thing that matters is the law.

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Yes, Walter, we've all heard those clichés, but the reality is that 'biological sex' is merely a gene expression, it doesn't define two classes of beings. Someday there may be an overage of one sex or another, and some in the majority sex will be encouraged to adopt the gene expression of the minority sex. It's going to happen. Very few "born males" will agree to become females, and likewise (current fads notwithstanding) with "born females." But there will be enough on the bubble, and that's how it's going to happen.

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Meg: What the fuck did you just say?

Walter

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I said (to begin with) we've all seen your parroted clichés in a hundred other tweets and venues. And they have no substance. You have some issues that you're dealing with, and that's fine, and I make no judgment. But males and females of the same species are not separate species. That's just how it is.

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"I don’t have a “man-self” or a “woman-self”. I don’t have a “trans-self”. I am my-self. Myself. I am integrated. My joy is joie de vivre; my joy is being me. I have not abandoned the sleepers: I am just following my path. It is impossible that the path I’m on is mine alone, but I believe you might walk this way, too. I will try to blaze a trail, if I can."

Beautifully put.

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There is no one else who has articulated so coherently and eloquently the experience of 'gender dysphoria'. You understand that the proclaimation, "I am a woman" is a defensive wall built around some form of developmental delay. Some can 'thrive' in their exactingly maintained enclosed garden...others will eventually break free and rewild. Thank you.

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beautiful and insightful meditation on life’s processes, written in your always-gorgeous prose 💕

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This is excellent Corinna. Thank-you! ❤️

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There are very few people who can learn from other's mistakes. Most of us must suffer the consequences of our own poor choices and bad decisions in order to learn and grow. It's very hard to watch others tread such self-destructive paths though, especially our children. The desire to protect them is instinctive. Thank you for continuing to share your hard-won wisdom and humility, Cori. It gives me hope for the others who have gown down the rabbit hole. I hope they follow you out too.

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